In the dead of night when everyone sleeps I lie awake. Wide awake. It’s silent, that is the worst part. When the silence comes so do the voices dancing around in my head. They talk to each other little conversations, often unimportant but to loud to drown out. But the ones that are so hard to cope with are the screamers the ones that torture me reminding me of every ounce of pain I have ever been through. Flashing images of all the bad things I have ever seen. And I cry, I cry until my eyes tier and finally sleep comes. But even sleep can be awful the nightmares dont wake me just give me constant distress through the night. So I don’t know what’s worse being awake or being asleep.
I’m not going to change the way I look or the way I feel to conform to anything. I’ve always been a freak. So I’ve been a freak all my life and I have to live with that, you know. I’m one of those people.
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| — | John Lennon (via frenchtwist) |
Today is a very bad day. My bi polar depression has completely taken over and I am left feeling broken. I have yet to get out of bed or eat anything and it’s almost 5.30pm.
I have spent the whole day with the overwhelming desire to die, to not exist.
I just want to be held to be loved and to feel safe.
You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy. I have never met a heavy heart that wasn’t a phone booth with a red cape inside. Some people will never understand the kind of superpower it takes for some people to just walk outside.
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Andrea Gibson, “The Nutritionist” (via asimplisticreality) I reblog this every time. Especially today. (via cage-veil-cunt) |
